Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love warm weather. I am always excited for the warm spring air to flow through my house. This past weekend I was SO happy to turn off the heat, crack the windows, and put the screen doors in. Plus, everyone is in a much better mood. There really isn’t anything bad to say about springtime, except…the packing away of winter clothes. The safety net of layers is something I usually miss dearly until the following November.
I’ve struggled with body issues for as long as I can remember, so I dread the spring and summer because of the clothing options. And because my body has not been at its best for quite some time, all the clothes I have seem to feel a little tighter and shorter each year. Yes, I could go buy new every year, but I don’t. Because every year I tell myself, “don’t worry, keep those. I’ll lose the weight to fit into that top.” 9 times out of 10 that doesn’t happen. I am always critiquing my belly, my arms, my thighs. Shorts are normally uncomfortable because my thighs force the fabric to rub together and then kind of wedge up, forcing me to constantly be pulling them back down. Shirts always sit on my belly in just the perfect way to show the pudge roll that is my lower abs. And when I wear dresses (which is typically my go to), I still look at my left armpit. For some reason, I have more skin over there and it just bulges out the side. Like I said, body issues.
My struggle with accepting my body didn’t start after having my girls. It has been with me for years. I remember being around 6 years old and changing out of my bikini at the swimming pool into a one piece because I was self conscious. Then into my pre-teen years, I never really felt like my clothes fit me well. Introducing the concept of the “uniform”...something I still adhere to today. This is an outfit or two that I wear ALL THE TIME. I remember having a “uniform” when I was a pre-teen! It was khaki shorts and a black tank top with a really cool braided belt. I felt good in it and that was all that mattered to me. Plus, it was super stylish. Moving through my teenage years, I still felt horrible about my body. Looking back, it feels so silly. I was in amazing shape. Probably weighed 120lbs and all muscle because of my participation in sports. Still, I did not feel comfortable with my body.
Fast forward to 2007, the year I got married, I felt good. On my wedding day, that is. I felt great in my dress. My arms looks really good because of all the “FIRM” tapes I was doing. But on my honeymoon, I remember deleting photos because I felt my belly looked too fat. It really gets exhausting to never really love your body. As the years went on, I continued to workout, but still was kind of blah about my body. And it was like a merry-go-round with the seasons. Loved winter because I could cover up! And dreaded summer because I could not!
Of course being pregnant, I loved my body! I didn’t have to suck in! I felt great in all of my clothes. And I worked out the entire time, so I knew I wasn’t gaining a ton of extra weight. I couldn’t get enough of the “omg, you look great”. It was really nice to hear. And that actually continued after I had the girls. I was able to nurse them, and that just took the weight right off! I mean, I was down to under 140lbs! Which is amazing...a number I haven’t seen for YEARS! I was thinking, this is great, I won’t have to struggle with losing any baby weight. Yeah right, we hit the 6 month mark and for some reason, nursing wasn’t keeping the weight off. Even though I nursed my girls for about 14 months, I wasn’t reaping the body benefits of it anymore, and I put on about 20lbs. And it was 20lbs of fat! Belly, butt, arms, and that damn armpit.
Body Back allowed me to get control of my physical body. I was spiraling, and needed some intervention! I talked about it before, how Body Back came at the perfect time. Looking back to the start of the first session, it really has been such a major blessing. I need to be held accountable. I need someone there to be checking on me and making sure I stick with the healthy eating and working out. Carly is the woman! She doesn’t lose momentum. It is week 5 of the 2nd session, and she is still texting me ideas for workouts at home, as well as motivating me to eat clean.
This week my focus is on eating extra clean because I may not have much time to workout. I am heading to Nashville this weekend for a Bachelorette party. So I’m sure I’ll be having a few more cocktails than normal. I am going to try my best to eat clean while I’m there and make “better” choices while we are out. And if I can sneak in a workout, that will be a bonus.
It took about 8-10 weeks of participating in Body Back for me to see real results. And because of that, I do feel more comfortable with my body than I have in a really long time. It isn’t perfect, but little by little I’m accepting it. I am trying not to nit pick at every little imperfection. Something that is a little easier said than done, but I’m trying. Body Back has taught me that results will not come in a few days, maybe not a few weeks, but they will come. You will notice changes to your body if you stick with the program! Eating clean and exercising. It’s that simple. And I know, it’s that hard too. But it’s worth it!
I am happy to say that this year my attitude is shifting. I am not dreading spring and summer as much as years past. I am going to pull out my clothes and create a new healthy relationship with them. No more body shaming myself.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter!