I stepped on the scale during the beginning of class this past Saturday and was elated! The number had gone down...finally! I know weight is just a number, but to be honest, it does matter to me. It certainly is not the only indicator of my hard work. I am aware that there are much more important things to consider when evaluating my success. But still, it is a concrete way of telling my hard work is paying off.
Carly put us through another insanely tough workout, and I leave on Saturday feeling great. I call my mom immediately when I get into my car to let her know how pumped I am. Then I get home and tell my husband. He is so excited for me. Then I look at my journal and give myself another pat on the back. I know I’ve put in the work.
After all of this, I don’t write another thing down in that journal ALL weekend long. What the hell? Why do I do this to myself?? It’s as if the weekend becomes a free for all. I have to figure out a new way to celebrate my success other than eating foods that I know are not good for me! We went out to celebrate my mother-in-laws actual birthday on Saturday, and I ordered pretty well. I had a steak and kale bowl with a bunch of veggies and brown rice (I should mention, I did have a jalapeno cornbread muffin as an appetizer...it was amazing, and I don’t even feel bad for eating it - well two of them - because it was SOOOOO good!). On the way home, I stopped for some Coldstone. I figured I should “reward” myself for all of my hard work. My husband tried to discourage me from getting it, “Bridge, think about it. Do you really want it. You are doing so well. I don’t want you to be mad at yourself”. “Will, I swear, I won’t be mad at myself. I will get the smallest one, and I won’t feel bad because I know I won’t have another one for a long time.” I didn’t feel guilty right after eating it. As I’m writing this blog, now I do. Why the heck did I have to get that?? I should have listened to Carly’s advice...if you are going to choose something that is not so great for you, try to make the better choice. I really wanted ice cream. I could have decided to go with a cone from McDonalds. Far fewer calories than Coldstone. Not good for me...but of the two choices, it would have been the better one. I chose Coldstone. Not happy about it. I realize it is going to be extremely important for me to find a way to reward myself with something other than junk food. Why is this so difficult for me?
On Sunday I did well during the day. I asked my husband to go for a walk with us and he came down in jeans. I asked him what he thought I meant when I said go for a walk? He kind of rolled his eyes and then went to change into some athletic type pants. You’d think after 16 years together, he would know that when I ask him to go for a walk, it is ALWAYS going to be a walk that will require workout pants. Anyways, we went for a nice long walk, which was great. We went out to dinner (eating healthy while eating out is hard!) and I had pasta and some bread. Again, I knew I wasn’t going to write anything down, so I think I just threw out any attempt at making a better choice.
Later that night, I planned my meals for the week and vowed to myself to start tomorrow (Monday) off on the right foot. And I have. All day I have been making healthy decisions. I did have two meals out today...one planned and one unplanned, but still ordered healthy options. I went to the gym and did a 30 minute interval workout on the treadmill. I feel good. I feel strong.
My goal this week is to take the momentum I gain and push through the weekend making healthy choices. This means writing down in my journal, just like I do Monday through Friday. It means choosing better choices if I’m out for a meal. And it means not allowing Saturday and Sunday to be days which do not count. Because right now, in my mind, this is how I’ve been viewing the weekend, and it has to change. If I want to experience the best results possible from this program, I have no other choice. And this is a choice I WANT to make.